How many kids do you want to have?

Let me make one thing clear upfront. This is not a sociological question, neither is it a psychological question nor a political question. By the time you mention ‘how many‘ you are automatically in the territory of mathematics. Meaning that your decision must be guided and governed by all laws and rules of the republic of mathematics (Ignore republic).

There’s no time when people sound dumber than when they are replying to ‘how many kids do you want to have?’. Immediately they begin rumbling out the number; ‘Well, I want 5‘ ‘I want 4‘ ‘I want 7‘ ‘I want 3′ some take the joke too far and say, ‘I want a soccer team (those are 11 kids’) ‘I want a rugby team ( about 15 kids)’. This is what proves that they are dumb – none of them can tell you why. Even the guy who wants a soccer team (11 kids) doesn’t plan on being a coach.

Do you know why people joke around the question of kids? They don’t really know. While some don’t ever want to know(mostly men). Most people (fact), the number of kids they are going to have is a ‘guessing game’. They simply don’t know how many, when and why. Let us pause it right there and focus on when are kids made. 99.77% never ever think about it as it happens. It just so happens that when on a good night a couple is going high somehow they drop a kid. That’s why most of the time both men and women are surprised about their pregnancy news. Some find their pregnancy news so nerve-wrecking that they undergo all 5 psychological phases of depression. i.e. 1. denial, 2. denial, 3. denial, 4. denial, 5. denial. This explains the increasing support for abortion laws.

This denial comes about when neither of the couple feels like it was them because they don’t remember (fact) initiating the process of making a kid. Thus some men decide to run away(the reason behind single mothers and side chicks) while some women decide to kill the baby (sorry, I should’ve used abortion instead of ‘kill’). Many men and women find pregnancy similar to going to a party and then after all the dancing, the boos, the babes and the fun you are asked to clean up the place. Damn! Not funny. Unfortunately that’s the experience for most couples — they enjoy dancing but hate cleaning up.

Back to ‘how many kids should you have?’ To answer this question, I need you to do one thing for me; pull out your calculator. Yea’ heard me right, calculator. Like I said, ‘how many‘ is in the mathematics territory. You got it? I meant your calculator. Good. Now I need you to do one final thing for me, switch it on. Good. Now type in the following:

number of assets(yours) + number of income(yours still) + number of profitable companies(yours) + appreciation of assets- number of liabilities(yours) – number of expenses (yours still) -depreciation of assets- inflation on income-emergencies cost-working time-personal time = number of kids you should have (k). Find K.

That’s how you find out how many kids you are going to have. So next time you ask somebody ‘how many kids are you gonna have?’ and you don’t see them pulling out a calculator just know that soon or later that person will undergo all 5 phases of psychological depression; 1. denial 2. denial 3. denial 4. denial 5. denial in other words they (men especially) will be singing Shag’s song ‘wasn’t me‘. While some women will resort to killing the baby (sorry.. aborting).

Editorial/ Yewe Yewe

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